We were talking the other day about the kind of funeral we want to have. My mother made it clear that she doesn’t want to have a small funeral. I think she envisages a party. That’s fine by me. I think I’d like the same.
“What will people remember of me?” one of my family members asks aloud. Phew. Great question – one which I think we should each ask ourselves daily.
I have, in all seriousness, considered the funeral thing carefully since that family conversation. And I came up with this (all by myself):
I hope people remember me as a good influence.
This got me thinking about my childhood, and who influenced me. I think about my parents and my wider family who have really contributed to my sense of wellbeing. I consider myself truly fortunate… surrounded by such loving and wise people.
I’ve also considered the wider community I grew up in and found myself thinking about the teachers I had.
Which leads me to another good question: who was the best teacher you ever had? Why?
I remember my high school music teacher. Her name was Fay Forbes. A bridge builder if ever there was one. Fun. Current. Ready to laugh. Likeable.
One day after assembly she stood up and addressed the 800-plus children in the school hall. “We’re having a production,” she said. “I need guitarists. I need singers. I need a drummer…”
And that’s all I can remember. At that point, something within me lit up. She had a particular way of drawing people in and the audition process was literally to arrive, perform your item and show interest and enthusiasm. If you demonstrated even an awkward teenage ounce of it, you were included. I think back on this now, and I’m amazed at her capacity to pull 100 or more kids together and put on a show of that magnitude.
For me it was a defining moment in my life. I had said to her that I could play drums, when in reality I had only been learning how to play for three weeks. She was a great piano player and a consumer of modern music – pop, R’nB and rock – and she could obviously tell that I was a complete newbie when I began on the first rehearsal. She didn’t even blink.
“Great stuff, so tomorrow we begin from Act 2. Well done!”
Somehow I believed her. I could barely hold the drum sticks properly and yet I left that first rehearsal like I thought I might be the next Dave Grohl.
She gave me the space and allowed me to learn. I mean, I literally learned how to play the drums while rehearsing for that show. Her approach was: if you were willing, you were in.
That experience taught me two things:
1. Teaching is 90% encouragment.
2. It gave me a foothold into the world of music, which ultimately became what I do today. All because one teacher said: “Yes, sure. You can do it!”
Sure, there were other factors in the equation. But it was Fay who ultimately gave a green light to the stage for me, and that formed something that has defined what I do these days. Talk about influence.
