A season of quiet times

For the past two decades, life for me has consisted of a constant push and hustle. Get up early. Some days at 4am. Exercise. Shower. School lunches & breakfast. Get kids ready. Watching the clock the whole time… in order to leave early… try beat the morning traffic… work… problem solve… deadlines… all day, ever day…

You know how it goes, right? It’s busy. And the noise inside our heads is busier.

That’s all changed for me, and the Calders are in a new season.

My children gave me a Christmas present – a tiny gift book which sits on my desk. Scrolling through it today, I came across this page, and I thought I’d put this out there to say I’m grateful for two things.

I’m grateful for this new season with my family, and I’m grateful for the years of (unavoidable) hard work that have formed – and continue to form – who I am at this point in 2022.

Just over a decade ago, I dropped my oldest two kids off at a day care and left for work. They were two years and 11 months old respectively. Most parents who have experienced that first separation will know what it’s like. I was traumatised, to be honest, and I remember thinking right there on the spot that there had to be another way to do things. Couldn’t we spend our days together?

At the time, I was a journalist at a big corporate working long hours, and all the while wondering: “Is this what life was meant to be? Spending most hours of the day and week separate from the ones you love in order to pay for things that allow you (and them) to live in modern society?”

I’ll say it here: the whole logic of it is a bit cooked, in the grand scheme of things. And people are learning that there are better and smarter ways of doing things.

I remember watching a Sting documentary years ago. He said he liked to record at home. Most kids grow up not seeing their fathers, who go and do their mysterious thing somewhere else. But for him, the best situation was for his children to see him doing his work and what he loves… at home.

That really resonated with me. And still does. And for the longest time I worked super hard to make it a reality.

Right now, that dream has become a reality. My wife and I can work from home, and so can our kids. It is a whole new world of unlearning and re-learning, and it has me truly invigorated. I’m writing and recording from home, with my kids in the background. I’m teaching and learning about my own children as well as other children. And our days are spent together – and I count myself truly blessed.

As I said, my children gave me a Christmas present – a tiny gift book which sits on my desk. It’s full of quotes and saying from people and children around fatherhood.

Anyone who knows my kids knows they’re hardly quiet. But it’s the quiet moments and habits that make us who we are that we’re able to now witness and learn about each other. My kids will learn about their mother and father, and we will learn about them – all in the quiet rhythms of being at home.

I say quiet rhythms – our home is not literally a quiet place. But my head is a lot quieter. And that’s the big difference.