They say that Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of 18. Seconds.
Now, I’m not here to diss Chuck (we all know what kind of suicidal mission that would be)… but I just can’t help wondering whether Mr Norris ever considered world domination?
“Stupid question,” you’ll tell me. “World domination considered Chuck Norris.”
But Chuck is kinda old news now, isn’t he? I mean, the world needs a new hero. Chuck’s proven ability shows that there’s zero chance of failure, no suspense, no room for error. It’s all predictable and the hero is – essentially – old and boring.
The RCB is, like most other musicians, out for world domination (of course). And while we could use a skill set like Chuck’s, we figure our story will turn out pretty boring in the end if we employed him.
Besides, that’s the other problem: emplyment. The RCB can hardly employ themselves, let alone Chuck Norris.
But Jon Calder… now THAT’S a different story.
Basically, Jon has no choice. He’s forced into the RCB. And in the absence of Chuck, we needed a more-than-ample, suitably-fresh substitute.
I hope you are appreciating this. Take this website, for example. We like it. And it didn’t happen with Chuck’s help… if you catch my drift. (If not, refer to the paragraph above.)
Another example: if you put sheet music in front of the rest of us, we’d feel flattered and admire the patterns. But we’d go about our business like REAL modern musicians. I mean, who needs sheet music in the modern era? Pffft.
Jon, on the other hand, would not only play whatever was on the score… he’d also run data tests and algorithms to analyze whether it had the making of hit song structure or not. Okay, that’s a bit extreme… he lets uPlaya do that.
But still… in an age of modern rock stars, where all a real band needs is a decent measure of self assurance and – at the MOST – four chords, we’ve got an analytical dot reader. Now, this might be cool in some circles, but you try walking into any popular night club to gig with a sheet-music-reader-keyboardist.
We’re thinking of disguising him with tatoos. Anyway, let’s compare beards…
Every genuine modern musician needs at least one beard going on in a five-piece band. Now, if you’re gonna make us choose between Chuck and Jon based on beards alone, well… there’s no contest.
Look at that picture above. There’s plenty of beard going on there. Jon Calder didn’t need the beard. The beard needed Jon Calder. And in fact, Jon Calder gave some of his beard to Chuck Norris.
So what if Chuck Norris won American Idol using sign language? So what if Chuck Norris died 20 years ago and Death hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet? Given all of the above, we think it’s a no-brainer. When it comes to RCB, forget Chuck Norris… Jon Calder is the man for the job.
